


The Destiny of a Warrior

by soer



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Angst, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-19
Updated: 2014-01-19
Packaged: 2018-01-09 09:00:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,813
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1144085
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/soer/pseuds/soer
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It seems that warriors are not destined for happiness.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Destiny of a Warrior

**Author's Note:**

> Here I wrote Mulan in accordance to how she is portrayed on the show with slight hints of Disney, _not like the direct legend in which she is awesome and excels at everything._ That being said, Mulan is one of my favorite characters in the show and I do not think of her as any less bad-ass than the other versions.
> 
> [Amazing fanart from my wonderful friend!](http://warmbluelights.tumblr.com/post/81109119652/extremely-extremely-late-xmas-present)

It seems that warriors are not destined for happiness, especially not her, not just any female warrior, but _the_ female warrior. The woman who saved her country, the woman who endured so many trials, who had to prove her worth again and again, countless times over.

She should have known that it was not enough.

How could she ever fit into society's conventions, fit into the criteria of what was acceptable for a woman? She wasn't one for the fanciness of court, of sweet words and the grandeur or royalty, not when a blade leapt to her hand so easily at only a moment's notice. It was not in her nature to conform like so many others--they thought of her as such, as kin to them, but she was not the same as them.

She fit in better with the others who weren't raised to nobility, who was used to hard labor and calloused hands. Their loyalty and courage was admirable and she felt camaraderie with them. And yet not even their friendship was enough to keep her from feeling left out, for their ties ran deeper than could easily be intruded on.

She had fallen in love on a gentle summer day, as cliché as that might have seemed. Their love was impossible though, separated by class, by country, by gender conventions, and most importantly, by another. She loved from afar and never let it bother her. And then the curse struck and she was on a self-journey in an instant, seeking out a way to break it. It was broken, and they went through a harrowing experience, but in the end, her love for the other had not diminished in the slightest. And when she finally had the courage to speak up, to perhaps voice her feelings with hope, it was crushed, all at once. So she buried her heart once more and left, unable to carry the pain any longer.

Some would call it running away, but it was the best choice, the _right_ choice to make, no matter her feelings. Some would not be able to follow her decision, but she has had a lifetime of fighting where the goal was to win wars, despite the battles, and it is all too easy remember that core.

The group of noble outlaws had offered her a place among their own, and with nowhere else to go, she accepted their invitation. Life among them is not unlike her time in the army and she finds herself falling back into a familiar ease with the rest of them soon enough without any qualms. Though inside she still hurts, with enough time to herself, she thinks that she will heal.

She enters a friendly relation with the leader of the band, one that reminds her wistfully of a commander she had left behind, of a man who had accepted her without doubt in the end, for she had earned his trust more times than she could count and he hers. She has never pegged herself the type to be at ease with children, but she can't help the vulnerability that shows when she is with the boy, so full of innocence and joy, of one who has never had yet to experience the hardship of life. Some part within her wants to fiercely keep it that way, so that it may be _years_ before he needs to encounter grief. In a way, she wants him to indulge in the childhood she never had. There had never been any time for that, after all.

She could see in his eyes that he was interested in her romantically, but also that she was not ready to get over her heartbreak and respected that. She was grateful that he understood and kept only friendship between them. There was a small voice in the back of her mind (caution) that whispered _perhaps I can accept his love in time, perhaps I can love again_ and though she hadn’t realized it, she had already started to gravitate towards that hope.

Then others crashed back into her life once more, the people that she thought she wouldn't see burst in like fireworks, always explosive, never able to sit still and wait for the opportune moment. They were accompanied by the one she had dutifully given up on, but she bore through the reunion with smiles, for they _were_ her friends and she liked to know how their journey had fared.

It was completely by chance that she overheard their conversation. Between the fairy clad in green and the woman who was once queen, they spoke in hushed whispers but their voices were not low enough to evade the sharp ears of the warrior. She heard everything clearly, and what stood out the most were the words of _soul mate_. She was stunned with the realization. The outlaw and the queen were bonded together through souls?

She felt a cold feeling drench her being. And here, she had allowed herself the possibility of hope, for a happy ending, but it seemed fate had other plans in mind. She observed the queen's later interactions with the outlaw and realized the slow but miniscule change that was taking place between them. Her heart tightened as a thought came unbidden to her: would she have noticed had she not overheard them? And perhaps become hurt once again, in the same way she had vowed not to be.

So yet again, the warrior set aside her own personal feelings for the bigger picture. The queen had done terrible things, unforgivable even, but even the warrior recognized that the emotion that could redeem her was love. She had already started to heal, if her relationship with the others were anything to go by, but love would help her even more. And she knew how to be a mother. No matter how much time the warrior had spent with the child, it was an undeniable fact that she was not a mother, that she did not have those instincts. She was a warrior, and didn't have the luxury to indulge.

Fate.

Destiny.

She had never been a big believer of either on the field of battle--you couldn't win if you believed you were destined to _die_ , after all, but...

Matters of the heart were something entirely different. It was an area that made her hesitate and become uneasy. In the past, she might have embraced it with ease, yet the more she stepped into this future the more unsure she became. She didn’t know what to do with herself, so she fell back into her old routine, her safety net.

She kept her distance, kept up the same manner she always had and let the company awash over her. She wondered if anyone noticed that her behavior was off by some degree, but everyone was easing their own sorrows and trying to live their own lives. So she was a support, one of the many that they could count on to support them when they needed it, but a familiar feeling was returning to the warrior.

Restlessness.

And the day that the horse came barreling down that dusty road, surprising the others into thinking it an attack of some sort, the warrior had felt apprehension. As the figure came closer and closed the distance, the anticipation grew.

Distinctive white markings on black brought to the forefront of the warrior's mind a distant memory and she found herself stepping forward, hand moving away from the hilt of her precious sword. There was a way in the other's canter that was familiar. She walked past all of them until she was at the front, until she was the first that the figure would see and stood there on the dusty road, the sun glinting off the gold in her armor.

If anything, the rider was renewed in strength at the sight of her and urged the mount forward.

Those behind her wanted an explanation but she just raised a hand and let their voices die down into silence following her signal. If there was one perk to having a position of respect and power it was that they trusted her judgment, and even if they didn't, they were among the Merry Men who had become her comrades and trusted her as much as she trusted them. They would obey her signal.

The approaching mount slowed down to a stop next before her, and the clearing was stunned to see the rider swing down from the horse to land on one bended knee, clasping both hands forward in a gesture of respect in one smooth and graceful movement, keeping the head bowed and facing the ground.

"Most Honorable and Esteemed Commander Fa," the rider says and many are surprised to hear the clear tones of a female voice from behind the helmet as well as to hear their gentle warrior being addressed with such a title.

"Rise," she says and helps the girl to her feet. She didn't need expert eyes to know that the girl had been riding for many exhausting days. “And please, call me Mulan.”

Grateful, the girl stood and took off her helmet to reveal elegant hair, not unlike the time the sleeping princess had met the warrior after her curse had broken. The memory brought about a wave of nostalgia to the girl but she held it in.

"My name is Fen and I have been searching for you for a long time now."

"What's the matter? What has happened back at home?"

The word tastes foreign on her tongue, to name a country from her distant past whose soil she has not stepped foot on years as _home_ feels strange, but it is the place of her birth, nevertheless. There is no doubt that Fen has come from the same place, if her features and gold-plated armor have anything to say about it. Wearing armor implies time on the battlefield, time in the Imperial Army. If she’s seeking Mulan out, there is no doubt there is a war being waged – a different purpose would’ve had an entirely different approach.

"I'm afraid the situation is quite dire." The girl bowed her head. "Forgive me in asking for your return to the battlefield. You are my hero and it pains me that I must ask you to leave your life of peace."

Sometime during the exchange, Robin Hood and Aurora have come to stand behind her, volunteering themselves as her silent support.

"You're asking Mulan to go back into battle?" The princess' eyes are blazed with fury. "How can you do that, after all she's done for your country?" Aurora truly has no idea what she's talking about, but she can already vaguely guess that her words have a semblance of truth. All tales of war have that kind of sentiment.

Fen is startled by the woman's anger, but does not deign a response to the other, not knowing how to respond. Her eyes are fixated on the woman she had come for.

The warrior took the bridle of the horse and examined the creature with a fondness not seen before. "She is of Khan's lineage, isn't she? I would recognize that gait anywhere," she comments to ease the tension in the air.

Fen nodded with some pride. "Her name is Xun, and like her name, she is the fastest of all her siblings."

"Speak then. Tell me of the situation that has arisen." She stroked Xun's head absentmindedly. "When I saw the country last, we had just won the war." Her throat clenched at the memory. "The Emperor decreed I would never need to return to the field of battle unless the situation was absolutely urgent, and freed me of all constraints toward the country."

"And it is." The girl's eyes were fierce. Mulan recognized the look of one who had seen too much, but had no time yet to grieve. Indeed she had such moments before. "You are our last hope, Mulan. When I last was in the country, a third of it had already fallen. Our lines of defense are being chipped away around the borders and the people are panicking. We have few able-bodied men, and morale is low after the Battle of Xiongnu River. We are desperate." Fen walked over to the saddlebag and pulled out a simple white envelope, handing it over to Mulan with solemnity. She took it with some caution and felt Robin's hand on her shoulder.

"You don't have to do it," he told her in low tones. "Whatever your old country commands, you do not need to fight their war, not anymore. You have a home here, Mulan. Remember that."

She nodded but slowly, she opened the envelope and unfolded the letter, eyes reading the content immediately.

_My Dearest Mulan,_

_If this letter has reached you at last, I pray that it has not been too long in the travel. We are at war again, after the long peace you have won for us so many years ago. Has it really been that long? Sometimes I wonder, and I cannot help but wish you had stayed longer after that first war so that we could have had more time together._

_But after all you have endured; it truly pains me to ask for your return. Because it shows that we need you, after these long years. I wish there was another way, I wish there was some other rising young hero who could complete the task, but there are none and all the soldiers are weary. I, too, am weary of seeing the suffering and the strife. We need a strong hand guided by experience and you are the best I know. By my father’s decree, you were never to be asked into war again unless the situation is truly desperate. And I am afraid that time has come though I had hoped it never would._

_Mulan, you are the only one we can rely on now. After the Battle of Xiongnu River, we had no choice but to send for you._

_But know this._

_The decision to return is entirely up to you. No one, aside from Fen and I know of this request. You guided my sisters and I long ago when we were but teenagers, torn between a decision of duty or the heart. You helped guide us to listen to our hearts, as you followed your own loved one after all was said and done. As you have never written back on this matter, I can only hope that you have found your happiness, as it is more than you have deserved. This decision is yours alone. I want you to be guided by your heart, not by duty, for it may already be too late for this country by the time this reaches you._

_Make your decision here. If you decide to stay where you are then do not read further. Instead, tell Fen your decision and refuse anything further from her no matter what she may say to convince you. Remain steadfast._

_However, if you decide to return, then read on. I have detailed exactly the events that have happened so far in the hopes that you may arrive fully situated and ready to command our soldiers and help raise the morale. But know that what is enclosed is the brutal truth and for this I am sorry._

So intent in her reading, Mulan hardly remembered her surroundings. With a tremble in her heart, she slowly unfurled the rest of the letter. Even if she had chosen to stay, Mulan knew that she had to know what had happened. So she read on.

The events were tragic, and the Fen proved correct when she said the situation was dire, desperate. One line in particular stood out more than anything and she stared at the words, unable to comprehend its meaning.

She didn’t realize that her fingers were trembling and that she held the paper in a tight grip until she registered Robin’s voice asking if she was okay, his body a support for her to lean back onto incase she should fall.

But none of that mattered.

“Fen,” she says, and would be mortified to hear how desperate her voice seemed if she hadn’t felt such panic in her being. “Please. Tell me it’s not true. Tell me that he’s still alive. That– ” her voice cracked. “That he isn’t dead,” she finished off in a whisper. “He can’t be dead. Not now.”

Fen’s expression became sad and knowing. It seemed she knew exactly who was being asked about. “I wish I could tell you that,” she said solemnly. “But that would be a lie and I could never lie to you. General Li Shang perished at the Battle of Xiongnu River alongside the army’s best.” Looking at the grief that suddenly struck the older woman’s features; the younger girl came forward and clasped her hands. “I am truly sorry for your loss. He was the country’s hope.”

There was muttering from behind them but they were all distant and incomprehensible to Mulan’s ears. She shook off the girl’s hands and returned to the letter. There wasn’t much left to read.

_I grieve to send you word in this way, but there was nothing that we could have done. Mulan, I am truly sorry. The following I tell you with some heavy heart, in case I am unable to greet you. Though your heart was captured by another, I know that General Shang had fallen in love with you. He never married Mulan, and always kept you in his heart. I wish there had been some way for the two of you to meet again, but alas, I fear this would only be possible through the will of the Heavens._

_As you know now, he did not fall alone. My Yao, brave and true, was with him while my sisters and I escaped with the civilians. I also regret not being able to preserve your family home, but that action was taken out of our hands. I have seen death and am not keen to make you see it again, but it is my duty to ask for your return._

_Mulan, there is very little hope for this country. Our boundaries have fallen and the empire is no longer as glorious as it used to be. Judge the situation with your own eyes, and command for us the path best for the country as a whole. I have done so by sending a missive for you. Even though it was against Shang’s explicit wish, we had no other options left. I assume by the time this reaches you, the situation will be more than hopeless, for you have remained quite elusive in your travels—nevertheless I hope we may meet each other again._

_Your dear friend,_

_Empress Mei_

Slowly, she folded the letter up, putting it back inside its envelope. There was no need to doubt these words. The handwriting was in the empress’ own hand and the red seal stamped by the signed name was all the proof that she needed.

“Stay with us for the night,” she told Fen, giving her a strained smile. “You have traveled for too long and deserve a night of rest, as does your companion.”

Fen nodded. “I would be most honored to stay in your company.”

“Good.” Mulan looked at her. “I will tell you of my decision later this evening.”

After Fen settled in amongst the others, Mulan found herself facing the concerned features of Robin Hood and Aurora.

“Mulan are you alright?” Aurora asked immediately. “Is it really that bad, back there?”

Mulan nodded. “I’m fine. And Fen was right. The situation really is dire. Hopeless even.”

Robin watched her carefully. “Mulan. Don’t tell me that you’re planning to go back.”

Aurora gasped, astonished. “What?” she turned to Robin then back to Mulan, searching the other’s face. “Mulan, you can’t seriously be _considering_ -”

Mulan herself had not yet thought of what her future action would be, but at the admission of Robin’s statement, she knew what her decision would be. “I’m sorry, Aurora,” she said gently. “But I must.”

“But, Mulan!” Aurora couldn’t contain herself.  “What about us? All of us? We’re friends—you can’t just leave us behind!”

“Aurora, that’s my homeland. If it was yours, what would you do?”

“But… that’s different!” Aurora stuttered, trying to think up ways to prove her point. “Mulan, you told us that they forced you into war. And challenged you every step of the way! How can you go back to them? Did they even care for you?”

Mulan stared at Aurora with wide eyes. “How can you ask me something like that?”

“I’m sorry. But Mulan, please, you can’t just leave us.”

“I left you to join the Merry Men, didn’t I? It was my choice then as it is my choice now. ”

“That was different! Robin Hood still lives here in the Enchanted Forest! Your homeland is farther away isn’t it?”

“Yes, but no one chooses where the place of their birth.”

“Is there anything we can do to make you stay?” Aurora whispered.

Mulan shook her head sadly. “I’m afraid not.” She glanced over to Robin. “I’m sorry to drop out of your group so suddenly, Robin. But this is the choice I’m making.”

“I’m sorry to hear that.” Mulan stepped away from Aurora to face her friend. “But thank you Robin. It was an honor to be a part of your men.”

“The honor was ours, for you have been a great addition to the group.”

That night, Mulan spent her last night among her friends, and woke up at dawn the next morning to leave.

“Are you sure about this?” Fen asked, even though she had been pleading for the warrior’s help the day before.

Mulan climbed onto her horse. “I am sure.” She gave the others a last farewell look before sending the horse off. After a second, Fen followed her.

Mulan wasn’t like other women.

She was used to being the one who completed the final steps, was the one stayed behind as the defender, was the one who did what others could not bear to do. It was her duty, a matter of her own pride and honor, her place to finish what others could not complete, certainly not the job of fair-haired princesses whose sense of righteousness was more foolish and naive than not.

She would have loved to put down her sword and never need it again.

She would have loved to love and live a normal life.

But fates would say otherwise, and the destiny of this particular warrior is not headed for happiness.

Fa Mulan was returning once again to war.

This time, there would be nothing left.

**Author's Note:**

> Fin 12/27/2013


End file.
